Fairness Between Children in Islam: Quran, Authentic Hadith and 15 Parenting Lessons
Every child deserves to grow up feeling loved, respected and valued.
Within a family, parents have an important responsibility to care for their children, guide their development and protect their rights.
However, maintaining fairness between children can sometimes be challenging.
One child may need additional medical care. Another may require educational support. Younger children may need more supervision, while older children may have different responsibilities.
These differences raise important questions.
Does Islam require parents to give every child exactly the same things?
What does Islam teach about favouritism?
How should parents handle gifts, attention, discipline and financial support?
The Quran encourages justice and responsible family conduct. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also gave specific guidance about fairness between children, particularly when parents give gifts.
One of the most important narrations concerns Nu'man ibn Bashir, whose father wanted the Prophet ﷺ to witness a gift he had given to one of his children.
The Prophet ﷺ instructed him to fear Allah and be just towards his children.
This teaching provides a valuable foundation for understanding parental fairness.
In this article, we explore Islamic guidance on justice between children, authentic Hadith, practical family situations and 15 parenting lessons that can help parents create a more caring and balanced home.
1. Why Is Fairness Between Children Important?
Fairness helps children feel secure within their families.
When parents consistently treat children with dignity, they can encourage trust and cooperation.
Unnecessary favouritism, on the other hand, may contribute to jealousy, resentment and family conflict.
Islam encourages parents to act responsibly and avoid injustice.
2. What Does Justice Mean in Parenting?
Justice means respecting each child's rights and responding fairly to their circumstances.
It does not always require identical treatment.
Children may have different needs because of age, health, education or other legitimate circumstances.
Fairness requires thoughtful judgement rather than automatic equality in every detail.
3. Allah Commands Justice
Allah says:
“Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct...”
Reference: Quran 16:90
This general command provides an important foundation for family relationships.
Parents should strive to make decisions fairly and responsibly.
4. Stand Firmly for Justice
Allah says:
“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives...”
Reference: Quran 4:135
The verse reminds believers that justice should not depend on personal preferences.
Family affection should not become an excuse for deliberate unfairness.
5. The Authentic Hadith About Fairness Between Children
Nu'man ibn Bashir reported that his father gave him a gift and wanted Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to witness it.
The Prophet ﷺ asked whether the father had given similar gifts to his other children.
When the answer was no, the Prophet ﷺ instructed him:
“Fear Allah and be just to your children.”
Reference: Sahih al-Bukhari 2587; Sahih Muslim 1623
This authentic narration is a central reference for Islamic discussions about fairness in gifts to children.
6. What Can Parents Learn from This Hadith?
The narration teaches that parents should not casually favour one child with gifts while neglecting others.
It also encourages parents to reflect on whether their financial decisions are fair.
Scholars discuss the legal implications and permissible exceptions in greater detail.
7. Is Identical Treatment Always Required?
Fairness and identical treatment are not always the same.
For example, a child requiring medical treatment may need more money spent on healthcare than a healthy sibling.
That does not automatically mean the parent is acting unjustly.
Legitimate needs and circumstances matter.
8. Distinguish Gifts from Necessary Expenses
An important distinction exists between voluntary gifts and spending to meet children's needs.
Food, education, medical treatment, housing and other essential expenses may differ according to individual circumstances.
The Hadith about Nu'man ibn Bashir specifically concerns a gift.
Parents should not assume every difference in necessary spending is prohibited favouritism.
9. Islamic Scholarly Differences About Gifts
Islamic scholars have discussed how fairness in parental gifts should be applied.
Questions include whether gifts must be equal in amount, whether certain differences may be justified and how relevant inheritance principles should be considered.
There are recognised differences of opinion.
Parents facing significant financial decisions should consult a qualified Islamic scholar familiar with their circumstances.
10. Do Not Confuse Gifts with Inheritance
Lifetime gifts and inheritance are distinct legal subjects.
Islamic inheritance shares are governed by specific religious rules.
Parents should not assume that the rules for inheritance automatically apply to every gift made during their lifetime.
Professional legal and religious advice may be necessary for property transfers.
11. Fairness in Parental Love
Children benefit from affection and emotional support.
Parents should avoid deliberately making one child feel less loved.
Although emotions cannot always be measured equally, behaviour can be guided by fairness.
12. Avoid Constant Comparisons
Statements such as “Your brother is always better than you” can be discouraging.
Children have different abilities and personalities.
Parents should recognise each child's progress without using siblings as instruments of humiliation.
13. Appreciate Each Child's Strengths
One child may enjoy reading.
Another may excel at practical tasks.
A third may show kindness and patience.
Recognising different strengths can help children feel valued.
14. Fairness in Listening
Children need opportunities to express their feelings.
When siblings disagree, parents should avoid automatically believing the older child or the child they usually consider more responsible.
Listen to the relevant facts before making a decision.
15. Do Not Assume One Child Is Always Wrong
A child who has made mistakes in the past may still be innocent in a new disagreement.
Fairness requires evaluating the present situation.
Avoid allowing a child's reputation to replace evidence.
16. Fairness in Discipline
Discipline should be appropriate to the child's age, understanding and behaviour.
Parents should avoid arbitrary punishments or humiliation.
Rules should be explained clearly and applied consistently where circumstances are comparable.
17. Avoid Public Humiliation
Correcting children in front of relatives or friends may sometimes create unnecessary embarrassment.
Where appropriate, discuss mistakes privately.
The goal should be guidance and improvement rather than humiliation.
18. Do Not Use Fear as the Main Parenting Method
Children benefit from clear boundaries and a sense of safety.
Threats, intimidation and degrading treatment can damage family relationships.
Parents should seek age-appropriate, nonviolent approaches to discipline.
19. Fairness Between Sons and Daughters
Both sons and daughters deserve dignity, care and appropriate opportunities.
Parents should avoid treating daughters as less valuable simply because of their gender.
The Quran strongly condemns attitudes that regard the birth of a daughter as a source of disgrace.
Reference: Quran 16:58–59
20. The Quran Condemns the Mistreatment of Daughters
Quran 81:8–9 refers to the girl buried alive and the injustice committed against her.
These verses form part of the Quran's powerful condemnation of such wrongdoing.
Parents should recognise the dignity and rights of their daughters.
21. The Virtue of Caring for Daughters
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that a person who cares properly for daughters and treats them well will receive great reward.
Reference: Sahih Muslim 2631
This narration highlights the importance of kindness and responsibility towards daughters.
22. Avoid Gender-Based Favouritism
Do not automatically provide better education, nutrition or emotional support to one child solely because the child is a boy or a girl.
Relevant religious responsibilities and individual circumstances should be considered fairly.
23. Fairness in Education
Children may have different educational needs.
Some may require additional tutoring, accessibility support or learning resources.
Parents should seek suitable opportunities for each child rather than insisting that all children follow identical paths.
24. Fairness in Healthcare
A child with a chronic illness or disability may need additional care.
Providing this support is not automatically unfair to siblings.
Parents should explain age-appropriately that different needs may require different forms of assistance.
25. Supporting Children with Disabilities
Children with disabilities deserve dignity, inclusion and appropriate support.
Parents should avoid treating them as burdens.
Reasonable accommodations can help them participate in family and community life.
26. Fairness in Household Responsibilities
Household tasks should be appropriate to each child's age, abilities and circumstances.
Avoid assigning all responsibilities to one child without good reason.
Children can learn cooperation through shared responsibilities.
27. Avoid Overburdening the Eldest Child
Older children may reasonably have additional responsibilities.
However, they should not automatically become substitutes for parents.
They also need opportunities for education, rest and recreation.
28. Fairness in Time and Attention
Parents may spend more time with a child who has urgent needs.
Nevertheless, they should try to maintain meaningful connections with all their children.
Small moments of individual attention can be valuable.
29. Create One-to-One Time
Consider spending time with each child individually.
This may involve reading, talking, walking or helping with an activity.
The amount of time need not always be identical, but each child should feel acknowledged.
30. Fairness During Family Celebrations
Birthdays, religious festivals and family gatherings can sometimes reveal patterns of favouritism.
Parents should consider whether gifts, attention and participation are handled appropriately.
Children should not be deliberately excluded without a legitimate reason.
31. Fairness During Eid
Eid is an opportunity to strengthen family relationships.
Parents can encourage generosity, gratitude and kindness among siblings.
Where gifts are given, fairness should be considered in light of Islamic guidance and family circumstances.
32. Avoid Using Gifts to Control Affection
Gifts should not become a way of manipulating children.
Parents should avoid creating competition for love through financial rewards.
Emotional support should not depend entirely on achievement or obedience.
33. Fairness When Children Make Mistakes
Every child makes mistakes.
Parents should respond according to the circumstances rather than personal preferences.
A child should not receive a harsher response simply because the parent is already frustrated with them.
34. Encourage Siblings to Respect One Another
Teach children not to mock, insult or deliberately exclude their siblings.
Help them resolve disagreements respectfully.
35. The Quran Warns Against Mockery
Allah says:
“O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them...”
Reference: Quran 49:11
This general teaching can guide how siblings communicate with one another.
36. Teach Children to Apologise
When a child harms a sibling, encourage an appropriate apology and efforts to repair the harm.
Avoid forcing insincere apologies merely to end a disagreement quickly.
Help children understand the consequences of their actions.
37. Teach Forgiveness Without Ignoring Harm
Forgiveness can help restore relationships.
However, repeated bullying or serious harm should be addressed responsibly.
Do not pressure a child to tolerate mistreatment simply because the person responsible is a sibling.
38. Avoid Labelling Children
Labels such as “the clever one,” “the difficult one” or “the lazy one” may affect how children see themselves.
Focus on specific behaviours rather than fixed negative identities.
39. Fairness When Children Have Different Personalities
Some children are outgoing.
Others are quiet or cautious.
Parents should avoid rewarding only one personality type.
Respectful encouragement can help each child develop.
40. Do Not Compare Children's Academic Results Unfairly
Children learn at different rates.
Celebrate effort, improvement and responsible behaviour.
Provide support when a child struggles rather than using shame as motivation.
41. Fairness in Financial Support for Adult Children
Adult children may face different financial circumstances.
One may require assistance because of illness, disability or hardship.
Another may already be financially independent.
Substantial gifts and property transfers should be considered carefully with qualified religious and legal advice.
42. Avoid Secret Financial Favouritism
Secret gifts that unfairly disadvantage other children may create serious family disputes.
Parents should consider transparency, lawful rights and relevant religious guidance.
Privacy may still be appropriate in certain circumstances, but secrecy should not be used to conceal injustice.
43. Be Careful with Property Transfers
Transferring land, houses or other valuable assets can have long-term consequences.
Parents should understand the difference between a valid lifetime gift, a will and inheritance.
Applicable laws and Islamic rulings may affect the outcome.
Seek professional guidance before making major transfers.
44. Parents Should Admit Their Mistakes
Parents are human and may occasionally act unfairly.
Acknowledging a mistake can demonstrate humility.
A sincere apology may help restore trust.
45. Make Dua for Your Children
The Quran includes a beautiful supplication:
“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
Reference: Quran 25:74
Parents can ask Allah for guidance in raising their children with justice and compassion.
15 Practical Parenting Lessons for Fairness Between Children
These suggestions are practical applications of Islamic ethical principles. They are not a prescribed fifteen-step religious ritual.
46. Lesson 1 — Treat Every Child with Dignity
Show respect to each child regardless of age, gender or ability.
47. Lesson 2 — Avoid Unnecessary Favouritism
Reflect on whether personal preferences are influencing decisions.
48. Lesson 3 — Be Fair with Gifts
Consider the Hadith of Nu'man ibn Bashir and seek scholarly advice for significant gifts.
49. Lesson 4 — Recognise Different Needs
Provide appropriate support for health, education and development.
50. Lesson 5 — Listen to Every Child
Allow each child an opportunity to explain their perspective.
51. Lesson 6 — Avoid Harmful Comparisons
Encourage individual progress rather than sibling competition.
52. Lesson 7 — Show Affection Consistently
Help each child feel loved and included.
53. Lesson 8 — Apply Rules Fairly
Use clear, age-appropriate expectations.
54. Lesson 9 — Avoid Humiliation
Correct mistakes respectfully.
55. Lesson 10 — Support Sons and Daughters
Provide appropriate opportunities and care without unjust gender-based favouritism.
56. Lesson 11 — Share Responsibilities Appropriately
Assign household tasks according to ability and circumstances.
57. Lesson 12 — Encourage Sibling Kindness
Teach cooperation, respect and responsible conflict resolution.
58. Lesson 13 — Be Transparent About Important Decisions
Explain age-appropriately why different children may receive different support.
59. Lesson 14 — Admit Mistakes
Apologise when you have acted unfairly and correct the situation where possible.
60. Lesson 15 — Seek Allah's Guidance
Reflect on Quran 16:90 and the Prophetic instruction to be just towards children.
A Simple Seven-Day Fair Parenting Challenge
This is an optional family-development exercise, not a prescribed act of worship.
Day 1: Reflect on Quran 16:90 and identify one area where fairness could improve at home.
Day 2: Spend meaningful individual time with each child.
Day 3: Avoid comparing siblings.
Day 4: Review how family responsibilities are distributed.
Day 5: Listen carefully to each child's concerns.
Day 6: Reflect on the Hadith of Nu'man ibn Bashir concerning gifts.
Day 7: Make Dua for your children and consider one lasting improvement to family routines.
Common Parenting Mistakes to Avoid
Giving one child special treatment without considering fairness.
Assuming every child has identical needs.
Confusing necessary expenses with voluntary gifts.
Comparing siblings constantly.
Favouring sons over daughters or daughters over sons without legitimate reason.
Ignoring the emotional needs of quieter children.
Assigning excessive responsibilities to one child.
Humiliating children in front of others.
Using gifts to manipulate affection.
Dismissing a child's concerns without listening.
Making major property transfers without understanding religious and legal implications.
Treating a child's disability or illness as a reason for resentment.
Refusing to acknowledge parental mistakes.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does Islam say about treating children equally?
Islam encourages justice and fairness. An authentic Hadith specifically instructs parents to be just towards their children in the context of gifts.
Which Hadith discusses fairness between children?
The narration of Nu'man ibn Bashir is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari 2587 and Sahih Muslim 1623.
Must parents spend exactly the same amount on every child?
Not necessarily. Necessary expenses may differ according to legitimate needs, such as healthcare, education and age. Voluntary gifts raise additional jurisprudential questions.
Is favouritism between children discouraged in Islam?
Yes. The Hadith of Nu'man ibn Bashir provides a clear warning against unjust treatment in gifts.
Can parents spend more on a child who is ill?
A child's legitimate medical needs may justify additional spending. This is different from arbitrary favouritism.
Should sons and daughters receive the same care?
Both deserve dignity, appropriate care and protection. Specific financial and inheritance rulings may differ according to Islamic law.
Are lifetime gifts and inheritance the same?
No. They are distinct legal categories with different rules and scholarly discussions.
How can parents reduce sibling jealousy?
By avoiding harmful comparisons, listening fairly, explaining different needs and maintaining meaningful relationships with each child.
What should parents do after treating a child unfairly?
They should acknowledge the mistake, correct it where possible and work to rebuild trust.
What is the most important lesson?
Parents should act justly, respect individual needs and avoid arbitrary favouritism.
Final Thoughts
Fairness between children is an important part of responsible Islamic parenting.
The Quran commands justice, and Prophet Muhammad ﷺ specifically instructed a father to be just towards his children.
These teachings encourage parents to reflect carefully on how they distribute gifts, attention, responsibilities and support.
However, fairness does not always mean treating every child identically.
Children have different needs, personalities and circumstances.
A just parent considers these differences while avoiding arbitrary favouritism.
Remember these important lessons:
Treat every child with dignity.
Avoid unnecessary favouritism.
Be fair when giving gifts.
Recognise legitimate differences in children's needs.
Listen to each child.
Avoid harmful comparisons.
Support sons and daughters responsibly.
Correct mistakes without humiliation.
Protect children from bullying and abuse.
Seek qualified advice for major financial decisions.
Make Dua for your children.
A loving family is not one in which every child receives exactly the same thing at every moment.
It is one in which each child is treated with justice, compassion and appropriate care.
In Islam, fairness between children is an important responsibility that helps protect their rights and strengthen family relationships.
Islamic References
Quran 4:135 — Standing firmly for justice.
Quran 16:58–59 — Condemnation of negative attitudes towards daughters.
Quran 16:90 — Allah's command to act justly.
Quran 25:74 — Supplication concerning spouses and offspring.
Quran 49:11 — Avoiding mockery and humiliation.
Quran 81:8–9 — Condemnation of the killing of infant girls.
Sahih al-Bukhari 2587 — Justice in gifts to children.
Sahih Muslim 1623 — The narration of Nu'man ibn Bashir.
Sahih Muslim 2631 — The virtue of caring properly for daughters.
Disclaimer: This article is intended for general Islamic education and parenting guidance. Quran translations and Hadith numbering may vary between editions. Islamic rulings concerning gifts, inheritance, financial maintenance and property transfers involve important scholarly distinctions. Consult qualified Islamic scholars and appropriate legal professionals for individual circumstances. Parenting and safeguarding concerns may also require professional support.
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